What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
