eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
