Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
