My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize