I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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