I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
