A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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