oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize