How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
