maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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