So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
