I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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