i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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