Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Fuck appropriateness.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
