put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
