If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize