Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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