I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
