I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
