At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
