Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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