I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
