Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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