who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
