Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
