i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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