i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
