he was CRYING into my vagina
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
