Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize