Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
