Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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