pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
