woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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