WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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