I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize