I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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