So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
