I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
