Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Randomize
