Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize