Christians are straight up FREAKS
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
