Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
