We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
