I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
lol hangovers are for mortals.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
