i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
