I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
