They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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