I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
