a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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