I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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