wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
