They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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