I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
