i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
