The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
