even my farts smell like vagina
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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