You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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