Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
