I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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