ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
