"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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