I will die if light touches me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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