Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Enjoy the penises
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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