This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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