yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
