my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
