the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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