I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
