He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
