He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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