Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
