every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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