Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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