did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
only if we run a train.
done.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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