I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
