he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
