Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
