Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
