I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
