My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
