I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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