dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
