I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
