if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
