fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't deserve a penis
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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