On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
