yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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