you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
