I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
