There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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