He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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