New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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