I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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