She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
In America we eat man semen.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
