Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
