His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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