ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
