I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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