Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
