brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
