Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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